i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
