I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
