I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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