fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
