Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
