I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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