Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
