I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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