Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
