weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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