how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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