At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
