I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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