$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
