everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
two words: eviction party
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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