i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
