yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
