mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
