If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
