sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
