They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He? As in you personified your dick?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
