I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I am midnight drunk by noon
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
