He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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