meet me or not, i'm out of control
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
