they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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