Is it because I queefed?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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