He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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