what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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