God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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