I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
