I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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