please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
