drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
