I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
