And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
