Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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