Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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