farters have to be the big spoon...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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