It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You took a bar mat shot.
I will pee on everything he values.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
