he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just pynch a tree in the face
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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