Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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