I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
