my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
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I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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