Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sober January is a disaster.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
