honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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