we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just threw up on my dentist
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
