week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
