half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
