Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
