I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
