he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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