And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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