This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
