How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
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Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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