he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
