He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This house was built for laser tag.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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