margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
