I'm really into asian looking animals
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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