I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
