i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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