He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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