I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
