I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
