Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
