my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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