Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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