So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
