Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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