Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He better not be in your backpack
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
