I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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