flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
