were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
