hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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