...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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