Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
