It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
she peed on how many people?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
