i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize