dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
