Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
