I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.