I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
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Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!