party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize