She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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