don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.