she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?