am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday