8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left