My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
