I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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