It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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