I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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