tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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