At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
